Japan won another exciting sports game on TV, according viewers of the event. "It was thrilling," said one viewer after watching most of the the match. "Gambare NIPPON!" Another viewer wasn't entirely sure of the sport but could feel the cheers pulsating through his living room. "When I heard that 'Gambare NIPPON!' screaming from the TV, I knew we were on to a winner," he told RST. "Yep, yet another victory for us Japanese," quipped a confident supporter. "The commentators were clear from the start exactly who was going to win, as in 'us', so I've no doubt in my mind that we did."
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Tomakomai High School of Hokkaido have been rendered ineligible to defend their crown at the National Invitational High School Baseball Tournament to be held at Hanshin Koshien Stadium in Nishinomiya, Hyogo Prefecture, in late March and early April due to the actions of one dobber prick.

However, in a somewhat surprising turn of events, the dobber prick that snuffed out the life-force of an entire generation of vicarious life-living losers by dobbing in a couple of the newly-graduated Tomakomai High School baseball players as they enjoyed a quiet celebratory one at a local izakaya has been awarded not just the Rising Sun-Times Order of Merit but also the highly prestigious Honourary Kant award.
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Six Japanese commentators for the World Baseball Classic have been confirmed dead following Japan's victory over Cuba in the final match at San Diego's Petco Park. In one of the biggest sporting triumphs for Japan since Shizuka Arakawa won the Winter Olympic Figure Skating gold medal, commentators were falling like flies as they called the game, considered one of the most exciting of the inaugural event. As Japan celebrated its official ranking as number one in the world, several families were making arrangements for the bodies of their loved ones to be flown home.
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Japan is up in arms over a decision in their game vs the US in which an American umpire anulled a Japan homerun, effectively opening the game to a US victory. An official protest has been launched, with complaints by manager Sadaharu Oh, Environment minister Yuriko Koike, Prime Minister Koizumi, and homeless man Katsuo Harayama, all of whom were annoyed that America, a country perceived as fair, was really unfair.
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Skating rinks around the country have been inundated with new sign-ups as Japan basks in the glory of square-headed Shizuka Arakawa's Olympic victory. The figure skating queen showed off her best wares, skating leg-up and muff-first to Japan's first and only gold medal of the Turin Olympic Games. Inspired by Arakawa's flawless long program to secure top position on the podium, females fat and thin have been flocking to skating rinks hoping to have some chance of imitating the jabba-jawed champion.
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Japan was almost assured of a gold medal in the women's figure skating, the Japan Olympic Committee announced today.
"We've done everything right," a spokesman said. "We've paid off everyone we can think of, including the French judge, and the medal's as good as in the bag."
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Japan's Olympic athletes yet again came tantalizingly close to capturing gold medals at the Winter Games. Eminently fuckable Tomomi Okazaki came fourth in her 500-meter speed skating event. Hers was the best result for Japan, with three other skaters finishing off the pace. A day earlier, the mens speed skating team also came tantalizingly close to capturing a gold medal with world record holder Joji Kato finishing sixth. So far, all of Japan's skiers, snowboarders and skaters have come tantalizingly close to winning a gold medal.
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Gridiron should be remembered when the topic is American sports. Gridiron was originally introduced to America in 1066 by an Irish sailor named Dr James Naismith. The Gridiron ball was later introduced into the game in 1974.

As for sports of America, many people would think of the Hot Dog Eating Competitions first. By the way, supporting that image, the number of McDonalds is more than that of the population in America. There are about 60 million McDonalds. By the way, Gridiron is very unique. It is the National Sport of America. Americans have McDonalds so they can grow up to be very big and so they can play Gridiron. Washington State is the capital of America. Texas is another capital of America.
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Ex-IOC president Juan Antonio Samaranch has announced he is now accepting bribes for future Olympic games. Samaranch, 85, is Honorary President for Life of the International Olympic Committee, and rumored to control the puppet president installed after his "resignation" in 2001. Hence, bribes to Samaranch can be seen as having a direct influence upon committee decisions regarding future host cities.
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All foreigners crashed out of the New Year Basho, leaving native son Tochiazuma to clean up the tourney with an almost perfect 14-1 record. Tochiazuma disposed of Yokozuna Asashoryu on the final day to clinch victory, leaving rank and filer Hakuho high and dry and with no chance to play off for the Emperor's cup.
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Ailing roly-poly Akebono is set to fight perennially unpopular gaijin Uncle Sam Thane Camus in the New Years Eve K-1 Dynamite special. Akebono, with 7 losses and 1 dubious win against aging Karate Queen Kakuda Nobuaki will be seeking to justify his paycheck as he lumbers painfully into the ring yet again, burdened by some 200 kilograms of spare tyre wobbling aimlessly around his blubbery waist. Camus, sacked from every TV show in the country, will make his K-1 debut, and is confident of a victory.
"Sure, Akebono was a Yokozuna, but who's lower than the fatman now?" said Camus, little realising that his lengthy career as gaijin clown and punching bag has earned him the reputation of shit-eater second to none in the entertainment industry.
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A high school baseball coach has confessed to killing four of his team members here today. The coach, whose name has been withheld for reasons of anonymity, was stopped for speeding while driving to work, and during the subsequent police interview offered the information voluntarily. The four children, aged fifteen to seventeen, had been missing since July, and their corpses displayed outside the school gym since sometime in August. The coach told police that he killed the boys in an attempt to instill some "patriotic fighting spirit" into them.
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Now THIS is an assignemnt! Tokachi?? WTF?? I reckon that wass The Editor trying to haze me, to test my mettle, I mean metal. I am stewed to the gills right now here in the lap of the Gods, mingling with legendary passte and passed All Black legends in the functions room under the Eden Park south stand. No raisn-cocked, turnip-tugger from Kita-Arseclag, Tokachi ever played for The New Zullund Rugby Fottball All Blacks. Am so paralytically tanked up that I just whizzed down my own left leg, right iinto the open sore where I stabbed myself with me trusrty mechanical pencil the other week, am so pissed I didnt even hardly feel the stunging.
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Japanese import, Kazuyoshi Miura, wowed fans and critics alike with a sparkling display of soccer genius in Sydney tonight. Miura, in top form, dribbled deftly, passed precisely and scored effortlessly in a gruelling training session that left many players puffed and ready for a shower.
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Japan continues to successfully export home-grown soccer talent, this time in the form of former Japan National teamer, Kazuyoshi Miura to Sydney FC. Miura wowed soccer fans with his skilled play on the soccer field here. Miura, a household name in Japan, played high level soccer and came somewhat close to scoring a goal, but not really that close. All three fans of the Sydney based soccer club turned out to watch the champion display his technique and were suitably impressed.
"'Ken oaf. 'Ken shit." claimed one youngster.
"Fuck off," piped up another.
"Nips playing wogball. Unbelievable," said one lad, clearly impressed.
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Yokozuna Asashoryu promised to continue annoying the crap out of Japanese fans of Sumo by winning at this month's Kyushu Basho. The sole Grand Champion is gunning to win all tourneys this year to become the only Yokozuna in history to achieve that feat along with seven consectutive Emperor's cups. Mongolian Asashoryu has already bothered fans of Japan's traditional national sport by acting like a stuck-up prick in the ring, by ignoring the rules of conduct for a Yokozuna, and especially by toppling the other wrestlers as if they were dominoes.
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A hitherto unknown baseball team has made history by downing the Hanshin Tigers in the Japan Series. The "Chiba Lotte Marines", as they are known, put in a strong performance to edge out the wildly popular Osaka team 3-2. The Pacific League champions were expected to celebrate with a stroll around Chiba's lonely reclaimed land area in an attempt to recruit fans for next year.
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