Tokyo, 3 p.m.

Foreign Minister Taro Aso today urged China to visit Yasukuni Shrine. The move comes amid worsening bilateral ties between Japan and China, mostly due to China's stubborn refusal to attend important summit meetings with Japan or worship the Japanese war dead. Aso said China must visit the war-related shrine to reach an understanding of the Japanese spirit before talks could bear fruit.
"To truly perceive the peaceful Japanese heart, China's top leaders will need to visit Yasukuni, worship the souls of those who died in the Emperor's name, and achieve a true understanding of history," Aso said from his office, adorned with skulls of Chinamen brought back from the continent by his daddy after World War 2.

The minister went on to explain that Japan's occupation of China achieved many positive results for that country:
"Along with kicking the whiteman out of China, we also brought them education, a concept unheard of before 1930 in China, infrastructure such as railways and a postal system, as well as effective population control at places like Nanking. The peace that China enjoyed at that time was due entirely to the kindly actions of the Imperial Army. For China's leaders to stubbornly refuse to worship these sons of the Emperor is an unforgivable insult."

Aso also remarked that China's constant complaining is getting on his nerves.
"It's like a fucking kid poking you while you're trying to sleep," quipped Aso while fingering one of the skulls. "After all we've done for these bloody chinks they can't just let you alone to bathe in the glory of being Japanese for one day. Dickheads."

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