Tokyo, Tuesday

Princess Kiko is up the duff, the Imperial Household Agency announced yesterday. In a development that could alter plans to submit a bill allowing females to ascend the throne, the wife of second-in-line Prince Akishino, was said to be in the sixth week of her pregnancy. The couple have two daughters, Princess Mako, 14, and Princess Kako, 11. No male heir has been born into the Imperial family in forty years.

In their statement, the Agency said that "unlike certain other princesses, Princess Kiko is not an infertile wreck." If the fetus turns out to be a male, succession will pass to Akishino's side of the family, leaving Princess Aiko to be nothing more than a curiosity and her mother even more of an outcast than she currently is. The pregnancy has also put on hold the debate of whether to introduce concubines to ensure the unbroken male lineage of the Chrysanthemum Throne, a move supported by 49% of the population with vicarious salivation.

The doubts of whether Princess Masako is capable of bearing more children due to her steady descent into madness, not to mention the asexuality of the Crown Prince, were highlighted by the fecundity of their rivals for the world's oldest Throne. While both brothers studied at Oxford, Prince Naruhito was known as a loner who never once got the Imperial dick wet, whereas Akishino was rumoured to have porked anything with two legs, including his beloved catfish.

Prime Minister Koizumi, a firm supporter of the bill to change the law of succession until the news broke yesterday, said that it would be desirable to have further debate on the change before making any hasty decisions.
"Just as soon as we can determine the sex of the Royal genitalia will we know the appropriate course of action," he said. "And if that means concubines, then concubines all round it shall be."

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