Sydney, Today

In an attempt to preempt a possible racially-motivated attack on himself, a Mr George Nasr of Cronulla, Sydney has today confessed to giving himself, in his words, "a bit of a pretty good bloody hiding." Mr Nasr, sporting mild contusions and abrasions about the face, neck, chest, and head area, has turned himself in to the Cronulla Central police station after having turned on himself in broad daylight while strolling along Cronulla beach.

"I wauz walking along and thinking about everything recently and at the same time thinking about nothing. As you do. Then before I knew what was going on, I'd snuck up on meself and she was all on for young and old. Almost caught meself flush with an uppercut but luckily it just grazed me ear. Didn't miss with the cockpunch though. Right in the goolies, it was. I was doubled over on that beach, gasping for air. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, I made it back to my feet, and started limping off for help. I made it up to the carpark and was shuffling towards a kindly looking old lady. In need of some medical assistance or at least some sympathy points, I started to say to her 'I was beaten u...' But before I could finish me sentence, she gave me one hell of a thump on the back with her brolly. Then she yells 'fuck off, Leb' and slowly trundles off on her way."

So's I finally limped into the cop shop and the copper jumps up and asks me what happened.
"Mate, I was given a bloody good hiding in a racially premeditated attack. Clear cut case of racism, squire" I said.
"Did you see who did it?"
"Yeah, I did."
"Well then, we'll get out the book of mugshots."
So after about a day and a half of looking at the mug of not only every shady bastard in Crounulla but also their dead Polish rellies, the rellies pets and the pets summer bach furniture, the exasperated copper says look, can't you just draw a sketching of the perpetrator? So I sketch out a pretty crash-hot picture of old Georgie, even had a bit of shading, didn't give meself too much 5-o'clock stubble though, then I hand the pic to the copper.
"This is you" says the copper.
"Yeah, mate. I'm proud of me ancestral roots and what with all the kafuffle recently, nobodys given me a good hiding yet so thought I'd better save face and reaffirm my cultural heritage by giving meself a bit of a going over and..."
"Get out, you fucking pillock."

Discuss