Tokyo, today

Japan has already laid out plans for their reaction to the hostility they are expecting when two survey ships reach Takeshima, a rocky outcrop in the Sea of Japan.
"Surprise. Shock. Completely unexpected," said Chief Cabinet Secretary Shinzo Abe when talking about his upcoming reaction to the anticipated clash. "This pretty well proves that the Koreans are predictably hostile. Nothing could have prepared us for this.
"I'm flabbergasted. This came without warning," added Japan Foreign Minister Taro Aso. "The Koreans are up to their usual tricks of trying to sabbotage relations with us. No one could have seen this coming."

The two islands making up Takeshima, or Dokto in Korean, are claimed by both countries but currently administered by South Korea which has built several structures there to back up their ownership claim. The dispatching of the survey vessels sparked an outrage in Korea, whose leaders threatened to "deal severely with any territorial incursion."
"We will deal severely with any territorial incursion," said Foreign Minister Ban Ki- moon, quoting himself word for word. "The government is preparing countermeasures for all scenarios," he added, striking out on a more original note. Such warnings fell on deaf ears in Tokyo, whose politicians were busy rehearsing their shock at what they planned to call a "one-sided, unprovoked, surprise attack on a sovereign vessel."

Shinzo Abe, meanwhile, expressed amazement that the Koreans claimed the islets at all.
"Geographically speaking," he said, "Takeshima is clearly Japanese territory as it is an obvious continuation of the Oki island chain which lies a mere 157 kilometers to the south east, and nothing at all to do with Ulleung island, a whopping 87 kilometers to the west. Historically as well, Takeshima has always been part of Japan. In 1905, it was annexed with the specific approval of the Korean Foreign Ministry. We know they approved this because we put them there. So why the fucking gooks insist on stirring up trouble now is totally beyond me. And nothing will surprise us more than if they stir up more trouble in the next few weeks as per their warnings. That would be both unpredictable and totally typical."

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