Washington, September

President George W. Bush has sent a giant Christmas cake to the residents of hurricane stricken New Orleans. The cake measures two meters by four meters and contains enough cake to feed an estimated 5000 black people. "My mommy stirred the icin' for this cake with her own two slaves," said the President in a presentation ceremony on the White House lawn. "And we're damn proud to call ourselves 'Merican, as are you."

The cake was seen as a conciliatory gesture amid criticism that the Bush administration had reacted poorly to the crisis that led to the displacement of the city's half a million residents, most of them blacks. "This proves that we as compassionate conversatives care 'bout all 'Mericans, even if they do happen to be negroes." said the President. "As President of this country, this great country, I take full responsibilty for the damage of hurricane Catalina, and the woe she has caused y'all. We will fight terrorism to ensure this never happens again on 'Merican soil."

Bush went on to praise the city's efforts at reconstruction. "New Orleans is a great town. A strong town. A town with lots of drinks, and fine fillies. She gonna be back getting honest men drunk an' laid in no time." Bush conducted his third tour of the devastated region on Thursday, this time via CNN. "Until you see that with my own eyes, you just don't believe me," he said. "I'm getting every angle I can, I'm not missing any channel here. They each got their own reporters, and I think that's important... that we... have the channels for the funds to go on TV."

Bush concluded by looking to the future. "I can't wait to walk down the streets of a rebuilt and repopulated New Orleans with no corpses floating by and no black kids looking for their mom and pop. So I give this here cake to the good citizens of New Orleans. In New Orleans, everyday is Christmas Day!"

Bush will return to his Texas ranch for a three month vacation.

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