November

Economic Environmental Statisticians at Stanford School of Economic Environmental Statisticianistics have suggested that the yearly profits at online shopping's Amazon.com are directly equivalent to the loss of rainforest in South America's Amazon Basin. The stastiticians studied the company's profit patterns since inception as well as the yearly deforestation of the Amazon rainforest, and noticed that in highly profitable years, the rainforest shrank more than in leaner years for the company. Putting these figures into some form of graph, the conclusion was inevitable: Amazon.com profits equal Amazon Rainforest losses.

This highly precise science is still in its infancy, but according to its practitioners, the results never lie. Economic Environmental Statistician Links Felsen said that the Stanford study was not in doubt.
"This study is what we statisticians like to call 'spot on', meaning that it's highly accurate." Reasons put forward to explain the tight connection between a company's money-making and the denuding of virgin forest include that the online shopping megasite is an accurate indication of shopping trends the world over for any given year, and that high demand spurs higher production and greater need for raw material.

However, a spokeswoman from Amazon.com disputed this claim: "That's utter nonsense," she wrote in an issued statement. "As it says clearly on our homepage, 'Amazon.com, this website, all subsidiaries and all internet connections contained herein are made entirely of non-sustainable raw materials procured exclusively from the Amazon Rainforest.'

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