Jerusalem, today

Israeli leader Ariel Sharon has suffered a cerebral haemorrhage and is undergoing emergency surgery at a hospital here. The portly Prime Minister was taken to hospital overnight complaining of feeling unwell when a CRI scan revealed a massive haemorrhage in his brain. He was transferred to an operating theatre where doctors will attempt to drain the blood from his brain. Vice President and Sharon look-alike Dick Cheney is said to be on standby to take over the reins of government.

Sharon suffered a minor stroke only weeks ago and was due to have surgery to correct a small hole in his heart only hours before the stroke occurred. Aides are describing the stroke as "serious" and there are doubts whether Sharon will recover in time to lead his party to the March elections. The Israeli politcal scene will likely become unstable as a result.

White House spokesman Mike Rosenbaum explained they were lucky to have Cheney ready to step in at anytime.
"Israel is one of the only Middle East Countries whose leaders don't drape their heads with those tea towel thingies, so it's important to have a replacement who looks pretty well identical with the replaced leader. In Dick Cheney we have a near perfect match, from appearance to policies to constantly teetering on the brink of death with obesity and heart problems."

Cheney is expected to look after U.S. business interests in the troubled region from a position of power close to the mind-boggling riches of Middle East oil fields, as well as stir up a fresh wave of terrorism to justify the invasion of Iraq and subsequent Halliburton occupation.

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