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Texas, a few days ago
Vice President Dick Cheney may have broken hunting law by shooting fellow hunter
Harry Whittington on Saturday. Cheney and Whittington were bird hunting on the Armstrong ranch
with four others when Cheney blasted the face, neck and shoulder of his friend in an apparent
accident. Due to the deputy leader's weekly heart attacks, an ambulance was on standby
and rushed Whittington to Christus Spohn hospital where he underwent emergency surgery and was in a
stable condition.
Texas Parks and Wildlife spokesman Barbara Bush said that the incident would have to be examined
in more detail to see if any laws had been broken:
"We're not entirely sure at this stage whether it's legal to shoot the fuck out of people's faces or not.
We'll simply have to wait until all the facts come in. We don't want to jump to any conclusions. Not
in Texas."
President Bush praised Cheney as an "experienced hunter, and one I would not hesitate to hunt with
again." Cheney and Bush's last hunting trip together netted them Iraq and Afganistan, as such,
Whittington was not considered a particularly impressive spoil.
"Shit, the man's not even a Muslim," said Bush with a laugh. "Dick's just doing a bit of target practice."
The White House is no stranger to hunting accidents. Mad President Martin Van Buren was well known
for sprinting around the residence in his night clothes firing off his blunderbuss at the servants. Former
President Bill Clinton also famously shot his load at the wrong target in the Oval Office in 1995. Cheney
has refused to comment publicly on the incident, but was overheard growling as he walked away from
the hunt:
"I was aiming for Quayle."
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