Space, Today

Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency today announced the successful landing of its space probe on an asteroid. The landing, the first of its kind, was a major success for the agency, which has seen a string of failures contribute to a general lack of yaruki and genikiness among its scientists in recent years. "The boys had begun to look like some line up of NOVA teachers," said chief navigator Masahiko Mouri. "The hangdog expressions and atmosphere of death was worse than an AEON lobby at 8 p.m."

After an initial failure, the probe successfully landed on Kunashiri, an asteroid floating around in the Kurile islands north of Japan. The asteroid, occupied by Russia as part of its war spoils following WW2, is claimed by Japan along with Etorofu, Shikotan and Habomai. The probe is expected to make a reconnaissance mission on the asteroid, taking rock samples and returning them to Japan for analysis. The JAEA also hopes the probe can successfully trigger a border dispute between the two countries in order to seize the asteroids by force.

Japan has recently prided itself on its emerging prowess at renaming just about everything "scientific" as a smokescreen for less than kosher activities. The asteroid probe is another victory in the series. Russian president and Doby look alike Vladimir Putin was unavailable for comment but during a recent trip to Japan was believed to have met with Prime Minister Koizumi and expressed feelings of envy over his luxuriant hair and inscrutable, almost invisible, eyes. The probe was expected to attempt more landings over the next week.

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