Gifu, the last ten years

Gifu Prefecture has been under a permanent eclipse of the sun for a decade, reports Japan's National Weather Bureau. Citing statistics collected from neighboring prefectural weather stations, the Bureau released data indicating that Gifu's last glimpse of sun was in October 1995, making more than ten years in the dark for the isolated area. Lacking a weather station of its own, the tumble-down prefecture relies on data collected in Aichi, Nagano and even god-forsaken Shiga for its weather reports. This has possibly led to a delay in noticing the prolonged eclipse that currently appears to be affecting only Gifu itself.

Known as Japan's worst prefecture, Gifu is home to the fiflthiest, stingiest and ugliest people in the country. Official government records describe Gifu as "a cunt of a prefecture, to be visited only by junior officials on probabtion, and to be mentioned only together with the word 'cunt'". The eclipse has added to the overall depressing nature of the place, leading some to hope that the populace would finally commit suicide en masse. Gifuans themselves had failed to mention the eclipse under the erroneous notion that they were saving money on electricity.

While investigations were underway, there were fears that the eclipse could spread to prefectures abutting the dump.
"If the sun is choosing not to illuminate Gifu," Weather Bureau worker Haruo Shimotori said, "then it's reasonable to assume that Fukui, Shiga and even Aichi could be next. But at least they'd turn their fucking lights on."
The Rising Sun-Times contacted Prime Minister Koizumi's office for comment on the matter and a spokesman issued the following statement:
"Gifu, eh? That's a cunt."

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