NASA, Tuesday

New high-resolution images beamed back from the Mars Orbiter recently revealed the red, dusty planet to be a red, dusty planet. NASA's so-called Mars Reconaissance Orbiter, or MRO for short, was built at an expense of 700 million dollars US, in conjunction with missile manufacturing giant Lockheed Martin. The latest in a series of satellites sent to Mars, the Orbiter promises to send back the exact same information that has been known for decades: there's nothing fucking there.

NASA spokesman and chief project manager, Bob Meisner, explained at a press conference Monday:
"What differentiates the MRO from other Martian missions is the size, folks. This is the biggest damn probe we ever sent to Mars. Or any planet for that matter. I mean this thing is, like, big." Unveiling a photo sent back from the orbiter, Meisner pointed out the graphic detail caught by the latest high tech NASA equipment.
"What we have here is ah, a red dusty area... over here is a red er, rocky area... and here where the color is a little darker, that's an area of dust and rocks that are, ah a little darker red."

NASA hopes to reveal the mystery of whether Mars supported life at one stage and even to answer the question of whether the planet could serve as a future colony for humans with their latest money-syphoning expedition. In fact, however, they will compile a useless portfolio of thousands of red, dusty photos identical to every other series of red, dusty photos ever sent back from the barren planet.
"It's more about size than anything else," continued Meisner, as journalists began to file out in disappointment after seeing the boring red, dusty landscape. "This photo is big, folks! There could be life in them thar red dusty hills!!"

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