Space, recently

Disgruntled and demoted, former heavenly idol Pluto has decided to seek stardom elsewhere, sources close to the celestial body said. Recently relegated from its long-held but disputed status as a true planet, the body said it was actively seeking alternative solar systems to join at full planet status.

"I've had enough with the Milky Way," said Pluto in an interview after a recent all-star performance. "First they ignore you for a few billion years, then they call you up at short notice for a show, then they call you a dwarf once you perform," Pluto moaned while removing his make-up. "Well it's all this little chorus girl can take!"

Pluto reserved his most vehement criticisms for some of the other planets in the Solar System. "That Jupiter is such a puffed-up gas ball, flashing that big eye of his all over the show. Pulease! Saturn shows you a ring or two and expects you to jump through them like an obedient little cocker spaniel. And don't even get me started on Uranus!"

Pluto's moon Sharon, known to be the gayest of his three satellites, was considering a split with his long-term partner. "I've been thinking of hanging around the Khyber belt for a while and seeing what comes up," he told the RST. "Surely someone could use an old pro like me, at least I hope so. There's always the option of going solo, of course, but it's not half the fun."

NASA spokesman George Constantinople described Pluto's behaviour as "typical" for an aging starlet. "It's not unusual for a dwarf planet, or as we like to describe them, a washed up old has-been, to spit the interplanetary dummy and threaten to quit," he explained. "What usually happens in these cases, or as we like to call them, scenarios, is that they hang on for the last glimmer of limelight reaching them at the back of the stage long after the audience has gone home and the sets are being changed. Old poofs are really sad."

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