New Zooland, this weekend

Now THIS is an assignemnt! Tokachi?? WTF?? I reckon that wass The Editor trying to haze me, to test my mettle, I mean metal. I am stewed to the gills right now here in the lap of the Gods, mingling with legendary passte and passed All Black legends in the functions room under the Eden Park south stand. No raisn-cocked, turnip-tugger from Kita-Arseclag, Tokachi ever played for The New Zullund Rugby Fottball All Blacks. Am so paralytically tanked up that I just whizzed down my own left leg, right iinto the open sore where I stabbed myself with me trusrty mechanical pencil the other week, am so pissed I didnt even hardly feel the stunging. Now that I pry my eyelids open long enoguh to looka round the room, the Japanese delegation are nowhere to be seen. Just overheard Colin Meads jovially remark to IRB chairman Syd Millar that perhaps they were busy having their authentic $159.95 All Black replica jerseys taken in another 3 sizes prior to having the collars ironed again. Millar, who, unlike anyone from Japan EVER, had played against Meads in the 1959 Lions series, smiled and retorted saying that he'd seen one of the immaculately dressed 250-strong Japanese delegation drink half a pint of Lion Red, immediately turn a deathly shade of crimson and was now being violently ill in the womans restroom. NZRU chairman and former All Blacks captain Jock Hobbs, having overheard this remark, whispered to the both of them that he had slipped the Japanese delegation chief, one Masahiro Sato, a business card for some Chinese hotel with "special guests" and the entire delegation had immediately herded out en masse. Good riddance, fuck off ya cnuts, more piss for me,,Thomas Bottersfly, RST Cadet, over and ou

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