TV, everyday

Japan won another exciting sports game on TV, according viewers of the event. "It was thrilling," said one viewer after watching most of the the match. "Gambare NIPPON!" Another viewer wasn't entirely sure of the sport but could feel the cheers pulsating through his living room. "When I heard that 'Gambare NIPPON!' screaming from the TV, I knew we were on to a winner," he told RST. "Yep, yet another victory for us Japanese," quipped a confident supporter. "The commentators were clear from the start exactly who was going to win, as in 'us', so I've no doubt in my mind that we did."

In other parts of Japan, viewers were equally enthusiastic about Japan's win in the game of sport. One Junior High School group were celebrating the summer vacation at the beach while the match was on TV at their expensive hotel room. "The girls started cheering 'NIPPON! NIPPON!'" the ringleader told RST, "so we raped them. It was a great match, but we had to miss the the end." A 15 year old boy, whose name was being withheld because he is a minor, confessed to watching the game before stabbing his parents and setting his house alight, killing his entire extended family. "Much better than homework, all that 'Gambare NIPPON!' stuff. Can't remember who won, though. Oh yeah, we did."

Broadcasters promised to continue to bring the best results possible to Japanese home viewers over the coming months. "Since that dubious result against a drugged up America in '45, Japan hasn't lost a single war, I mean sports game," remarked NHK broadcaster Hirohito Yasukuni. "And it's going to remain that way until the ultimate revenge match, proudly sponsored by us."

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